Wednesday

Making Friends with Death and Dying: A Spiritual Journey

By Alley Smith 

The genuine heart of sadness comes from feeling that your nonexistent heart is full. You would like to spill your heart’s blood, give your heart to others. For the warrior, this experience of sad and tender heart is what gives birth to fearlessness. 

—Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Shambhala Online offers an invaluable resource for individuals who are navigating bereavement, grief, and heartache called Making Friends with Death and Dying: Support Group. The group meets on the first Monday night of every month. The sessions are free, confidential, and held online. 

Since 2023, the support group has served more than 100+ individuals and the group’s private Facebook page has 88+ members. Articles are shared, podcasts are talked about, favorite books are recommended, and life-long friendships are blossoming. The group allows for individuals to be seen, heard, validated, and cared for with a genuine heart of compassion.

Articles are shared, podcasts are talked about, favorite books are recommended, and life-long friendships are blossoming.

The support group is currently reading Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, How to Live When a Loved One Dies. This summer, the group will be transitioning to Judith L. Lief’s book, Making Friends with Death: A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality. Both texts offer ancient wisdom for modern times on how to keep one’s heart open while navigating the complexities of impermanence and transcendence.

It’s a fact, very few religious institutions or spiritual organizations in the United States offer grief and/or bereavement support. However, Shambhala Online is deeply invested in the wellbeing of those who feel isolated and alone. The group is a dynamic expression of care and self-inquiry.

It’s a fact, very few religious institutions or spiritual organizations in the United States offer grief and/or bereavement support. However, Shambhala Online is deeply invested in the wellbeing of those who feel isolated and alone.

Shambhala Online offers a unique space for individuals from all over the world to communicate, connect, practice meditation, and choose support from the sangha. Thereby, individuals are learning ways to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to push it away or overcome it. Not only that, folks are willing to show-up for others with an open heart: bravery, tenderness, and vulnerability.

As many people already know, grief is very much like an immense, unconquerable mountain. The only way through the mountain is with a hand shovel. It can be arduous works. Yet, we do not have to shovel alone. We can take refuge in sangha. This is an excellent example of support—and through the process, one encounters deep listening, genuine care, authentic presence, and compassion at work. 

… grief is very much like an immense, unconquerable mountain. The only way through the mountain is with a hand shovel. Yet, we do not have to shovel alone.

One practitioner said, “With this group and some counseling, it feels like I have the right farming equipment—a steam shovel to help me get through the mountain.” Another young practitioner said, “What more can I say but thank you. After my Dad died, I was lost. This group came into my life when I needed it the most.” And an elderly man said, “I’m at the foundation … a place of rebuilding my life.” A Stage-4 cancer patient, “I’m going to die. Thank you for listening to me. I feel less alone.”

The whole process is about meeting people where they’re at. It’s not about the destination—it’s about the journey. It’s an investment in personal growth, spiritual realization, friendship, and everlasting love. Furthermore, it answers the question by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche asked many times, “Are you willing to share your heart with others?”

The answer is yes.

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To Learn More:

Next group meeting, June 3rd: https://shambhala.org/event/716233-making-friends-with-death-and-dying-monthly-support-group/ 

Making Friends with Death & Dying – Private Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/makingfriendswithdeath

About Chaplain Alley Smith

Chaplain Alley Smith (she/her) is an ordained Shambhala Buddhist Minister of Religion (Upadhyaya). She also holds 10 precepts in Zen Buddhism. Alley is a US military war veteran. During her career, Alley served with the military funeral honors teams in the US Marine Corps and Navy Reserve. She specializes in teaching Buddhism, spiritual care, mortuary affairs and as a funeral clergy. She has been a student of Shambhala Buddhism and Zen since 1999.  She currently hosts Making Friends with Death and Dying: Support Group on Shambhala Online. 

For more information email: [email protected]