Wednesday
Making Friends with Death and Dying: A Spiritual Journey
By Alley Smith
The genuine heart of sadness comes from feeling that your nonexistent heart is full. You would like to spill your heart’s blood, give your heart to others. For the warrior, this experience of sad and tender heart is what gives birth to fearlessness.
—Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
Shambhala Online offers an invaluable resource for individuals who are navigating bereavement, grief, and heartache called Making Friends with Death and Dying: Support Group. The group meets on the first Monday night of every month. The sessions are free, confidential, and held online.
Since 2023, the support group has served more than 100+ individuals and the group’s private Facebook page has 88+ members. Articles are shared, podcasts are talked about, favorite books are recommended, and life-long friendships are blossoming. The group allows for individuals to be seen, heard, validated, and cared for with a genuine heart of compassion.
Articles are shared, podcasts are talked about, favorite books are recommended, and life-long friendships are blossoming.
The support group is currently reading Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, How to Live When a Loved One Dies. This summer, the group will be transitioning to Judith L. Lief’s book, Making Friends with Death: A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality. Both texts offer ancient wisdom for modern times on how to keep one’s heart open while navigating the complexities of impermanence and transcendence.
It’s a fact, very few religious institutions or spiritual organizations in the United States offer grief and/or bereavement support. However, Shambhala Online is deeply invested in the wellbeing of those who feel isolated and alone. The group is a dynamic expression of care and self-inquiry.
It’s a fact, very few religious institutions or spiritual organizations in the United States offer grief and/or bereavement support. However, Shambhala Online is deeply invested in the wellbeing of those who feel isolated and alone.
Shambhala Online offers a unique space for individuals from all over the world to communicate, connect, practice meditation, and choose support from the sangha. Thereby, individuals are learning ways to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to push it away or overcome it. Not only that, folks are willing to show-up for others with an open heart: bravery, tenderness, and vulnerability.
As many people already know, grief is very much like an immense, unconquerable mountain. The only way through the mountain is with a hand shovel. It can be arduous works. Yet, we do not have to shovel alone. We can take refuge in sangha. This is an excellent example of support—and through the process, one encounters deep listening, genuine care, authentic presence, and compassion at work.
… grief is very much like an immense, unconquerable mountain. The only way through the mountain is with a hand shovel. Yet, we do not have to shovel alone.
One practitioner said, “With this group and some counseling, it feels like I have the right farming equipment—a steam shovel to help me get through the mountain.” Another young practitioner said, “What more can I say but thank you. After my Dad died, I was lost. This group came into my life when I needed it the most.” And an elderly man said, “I’m at the foundation … a place of rebuilding my life.” A Stage-4 cancer patient, “I’m going to die. Thank you for listening to me. I feel less alone.”
The whole process is about meeting people where they’re at. It’s not about the destination—it’s about the journey. It’s an investment in personal growth, spiritual realization, friendship, and everlasting love. Furthermore, it answers the question by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche asked many times, “Are you willing to share your heart with others?”
The answer is yes.
***
To Learn More:
Next group meeting, June 3rd: https://shambhala.org/event/716233-making-friends-with-death-and-dying-monthly-support-group/
Making Friends with Death & Dying – Private Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/makingfriendswithdeath
About Chaplain Alley Smith
Chaplain Alley Smith (she/her) is an ordained Shambhala Buddhist Minister of Religion (Upadhyaya). She also holds 10 precepts in Zen Buddhism. Alley is a US military war veteran. During her career, Alley served with the military funeral honors teams in the US Marine Corps and Navy Reserve. She specializes in teaching Buddhism, spiritual care, mortuary affairs and as a funeral clergy. She has been a student of Shambhala Buddhism and Zen since 1999. She currently hosts Making Friends with Death and Dying: Support Group on Shambhala Online.
For more information email: [email protected]
Entries filed under Community Articles
The Splendiferous House that Ryken Built – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: Aging in Enlightened Society by Steven Wilke At halftime, he grabbed the belligerent man and slammed him against the Lamp Post’s bathroom wall, finally shutting him up. “Some people are trying to watch the football game in here,” Tom explained to the bewildered, pinned patron who had been ... continuePosted April 24, 2015 by Dan
A Waste of Time – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: In Everyday Life guest article by Acharya Michael Greenleaf originally published on Samadhi Cushions The $600/hour litigator is wearing a custom suit. A smart dresser, and if it helps to paint a picture, yes, he’s from Brooklyn. Nothing much gets by this savvy fellow. He’s talking to me. ... continuePosted April 12, 2015 by
Yarne: The Heart of Gampo Abbey – HIGHLIGHT
by Emma Cataford, temporary monastic and Loden Nyima, Head of Education at Gampo Abbey The community at Gampo Abbey ushered in 2015 by starting their annual winter retreat, called Yarne. Entering the retreat involves formally committing to remain within both the physical boundaries of the land as well ... continuePosted April 8, 2015 by Dan
Warrior Tribute: Fay Octavia Elliott – HIGHLIGHT
by Nathan Railla “My prayer is that when it comes my time to die, because I am walking the bodhisattva chaplain path focused on love in the form of two-fold Bodhichitta, my practice, and engagement with the suffering of the world, I will die with no regrets.” ... continuePosted April 6, 2015 by Dan
Becoming Who We Want to Be: Toronto Shambhala – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: Shambhala on the Move by Margaret May This is part one in a two-part series on the transformation of the Toronto Shambhala Center. November 2012: Wendy Friedman (Director of Shambhala Culture and Decorum) and David Mukpo (Kusung Commander for the Dorje Kasung) are in town to lead an experiential ... continuePosted March 28, 2015 by Dan
The Rabbi’s Gifts – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: Aging in Enlightened Society by Jackie Roberts Reb Zalman and Sara Davidson discussing “the December project” ( from www.saradavidson.com) In 2002, I moved back to my native home of Denver to assist my elderly parents who were in their 80s. Mostly a dutiful daughter, I had stayed in ... continuePosted March 27, 2015 by Dan
Local, Healthy Fare at Windhorse Retreat Center – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: KITCHEN WISDOM by Lisa Harris, Column Co-Host Sue Firer is the manager of Windhorse Retreat Center, the only Shambhala land center in the Midwest. She is likely to be in the kitchen cooking up healthy fare for all of the participants during programs and retreats. I recently ... continuePosted March 25, 2015 by Dan
Jump the Gun – HIGHLIGHT
by Dan Peterson, Kadö Desung Care and Conduct Officer I turned on the AM radio while driving and was hooked. There was a shooting at Marysville-Pilchuck High School and five students were dead. The school was on lock-down and First Responders were on the scene, as well as local ... continuePosted March 21, 2015 by Dan
Karma, India, and Systems of Circumstance – HIGHLIGHT
Resistance is Futile a reflection and photos by Evan Silverman A few months ago, after a long day of traveling throughout India, I was asked the question “What makes some of us born into wealth, while other people suffer so much?” It was a well-warranted question; we had ... continuePosted March 13, 2015 by
Once for a Lifetime – HIGHLIGHT
On Temporary Monastic Ordination by Gelong Loden Nyima, Head of Practice and Education at Gampo Abbey Edited by Emma Cataford, Temporary Monastic at Gampo Abbey Photographs by Thubten Tingdzen and Adrian Thalasinos Haley The Shambhala monastic community Someone once asked one of the great monastics and teachers of the Tibetan community ... continuePosted March 8, 2015 by Dan
Horsemanship Dharma – HIGHLIGHT
by Katharine Locke Katharine and Lochinvar Training the horse is training the mind: training it to be present, to be kind, to recognize the everyday wisdom in the actions of the horse, to find the simple way, to formulate clear questions for the horse, and to listen closely ... continuePosted March 5, 2015 by Dan
Albuquerque: New Center, Old Town – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: Shambhala On the Move by Janice Convery It’s a blustery day here in Albuquerque, New Mexico—rare, but not unwelcome. Cold air has replaced heat, and heart-shaped leaves from shedding cottonwood trees spiral throughout the land, touching most everyone who lives here. I imagine each perfect, dried leaf as ... continuePosted March 2, 2015 by Dan
The Blueberry Man – HIGHLIGHT
Are Sales Basically Good? article by Joe Snowdon, Boston, MA In the modern world of B2C and B2B commerce it doesn’t seem like anyone today would look at a salesperson’s role in society as being sacred. It doesn’t take much effort to find a social media post with scathing ... continuePosted February 28, 2015 by
How Do the Momos Taste? – HIGHLIGHT
From left to right: Vajra Regent Osel Tendzin, Carolyn Gimian and “Chef” Chuck Lief COLUMN: Kitchen Wisdom Interview with Chuck Lief, President of Naropa University by Judy Sachs-Sullivan, Kitchen Wisdom Column co-host I had originally set out to interview Judy Lief after reading her comments to a past article I ... continuePosted February 26, 2015 by
An Audacious Aging Salon – HIGHLIGHT
COLUMN: Aging in Enlightened Society by David Whitehorn Audacious: intrepidly daring; adventurous. Aging: the process of growing old. Salon: a gathering to entertain and inform through conversation. Five years ago, twelve friends, all in their 60s, began meeting to share the experience of growing older. We have come to ... continuePosted February 25, 2015 by Dan
RSS feed for the Community Articles category
View all posts from authors in Community Articles: Jillian_Johnson
